Finally, after a long day of driving and waiting, I'm here in Long Beach with my dad. I'm staying for about 6 days, through New Year's. I'm pretty excited to be spending a few days with my dad, just him and me. Thing about my dad is, as funny as he intentionally is, he's usually funnier unintentionally.
My father was considering letting me stay home tomorrow while he went to work so that I could sleep, relax, maybe go to the beach. I regretfully mustered up the courage to ask him if I could take a quick bus ride to the movies that are less than a mile away. The Long Beach buses are all clean and usually extremely empty. I knew I'd be able to handle myself, as I already know the bus lines in LBC from the previous rides I've taken on it. Of course, he shot me down, being the somewhat overprotective man that he is, not that I can blame him for it.
Not 5 minutes later, I hear escape from his mouth, "Hey, can you go get me some milk at the liquor store down the street?" Of course, any reason to go for a walk, I accept, and walk the total of maybe, 200 feet to get to the store. In that time, I see numerous drunk gay men walking down the street (Long Beach is a huge gay city), loud noises, screeching tires...the works. I step into the store, and I get the milk, next to the bourbon and Hennessy. As I approach the counter, the smell of weed enters my nostrils more and more. I pay the stoned clerk quickly and leave.
I walk back to the apartment, another 200 feet, if that, encountering the same things as I did when I left the apartment at first. I walk in the door, and I honestly feel as if I had just endured an adventure of Harrison Ford proportions. Being back in that apartment where the heater had been left on for five straight days, and where I'm currently sweating profusely in, was the only place I wanted to be during Long Beach Nightlife. Can't wait for New Year's!
It's come to my attention recently how much of, how do I put this, well, a complete jerk-off I am. I mean that with the most self-respect that I can possibly muster out of that statement. But, in memoriam of all the people that I've had the pleasure of pissing off this year, I'd just like to publicly post some of the completely awful things I've said in 2010.
"What was the name of that guy you used to date, the one with the 9/11 sounding name?"
"It's like, I spend my entire day avoiding human beings, but when I need to talk to someone, everyone disappears like I'm the kid at the birthday party who has lice."
"Of course I'm waiting for you, what do you think I've been doing here this whole time, trying to stick my fist in my ass?"
"I swear, my phone makes all voices sound like a hungry mexican child dipped in hot water."
"I can't believe this, people are missing a golden opportunity to make me look like a complete ass!"
Those are the only ones I can legally publish (kidding), but if you want the full list, just message me on Facebook, and maybe even contribute to the list and remind me of an offensive thing I said this year.
That's all I've got for you now. Thanks for reading :)
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