I've been thinking...

I've been thinking a lot lately, about the way that my life is panning out for me. Less than a year ago, my parents were on good enough terms that everything went smoothly and without issues. This past month, all of that has gone to Hell, to be completely frank. I've been suppressing a lot of things that I wanted to say on here, but I didn't want to feel like I was complaining. Then, I remembered, hey, this is my blog, not yours. I can write whatever I want, and hope that you enjoy it, or take something away from it, so I'm just going to go at it.

Basically, my situation is this. As most people know, I live in two houses, spending half the week with my mom, and half the week with my dad. Recently my dad has been talking about moving to California, and very recently, it was just about set in stone. He told me that I had the choice to choose who I wanted to live with. After a lot of thought, a lot of decision making, a lot of advice, and a lot of planning, I decided to stay with my mom. This, as my dad should know, isn't a personal attack on him, and I'm not in any way trying to undermine, hurt, betray, or leave him. My dad is still my dad and I love him to death, no matter what he thinks. So dad, I know I'm not too great at this apologizing stuff, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, hurt you in any way, or made you feel neglected. I know I haven't exactly been the best son recently, but I just want you to know, that I'm trying to keep everything straight here.

So, I decided to stay with my mom in Phoenix. I decided to stay because, I've moved in 10 years more than some people move in their entire life. My entire life, I've only dreamed of living in one house, and now that opportunity has displayed itself, and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The last thing on my mind is hurting one, if not both of my parents with the decisions I make in life, because honestly, they're really the only people I have to make proud besides myself. I mean that with the most sincerity that I can muster out of that statement.

Overall, I really just had to get that off my chest. It's been something that's been bothering me for such a long time. My parents might not totally appreciate the fact that I'm publishing our personal life, but they need to understand, this is my only way to vent and tell them how I feel for real. I just hope when they read this they understand my position, and where I'm trying to come from. My intentions are anything but malicious, and I wish to hurt neither of them in any way.

If there's anyone to thank here, it's two people. Rachel Rigali and Melissa Rodriguez. Rachel really cheered me up when I was feeling down, making me laugh all the pain away. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Mel, you really put everything in perspective for me, and helped me see the whole situation the way I should be seeing it, through my eyes. Because in the end, it's a decision that I'm going to have to live with. I know that both Mel and Rachel read this blog, so when you do, know this. Without you two, I would've never had the confidence to A. make a decision on my own and B. write this post. I love you both, and thank you!

I have to admit, I do feel a lot better after writing this post. It's great getting a weight off of your shoulders. For those of you who don't already know this, or have gathered this by now, writing is very therapeutic for me, and really lightens my mood a lot.

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Thanks for reading!